A New Year for failure

I would love to wish for success for this year, but lets be realistic. This year will be just like the years before. It will start with wide eyed dreams and wishes of wonder that will lead to nightmares and sadness. I have accepted that my dreams may just be dreams. Most is not obtainable anytime soon or have to many obstacles to break through. I would love to say I will take any risk to achieve them but really, I'm a coward who's just all talk.

Since the biggest obstacle is my mom and I don't see me really gaining the courage to go against her. I feel everyday I'm some hamster in wheel never going anywhere no matter how much I run. Some people say when you got nothing to lose all you can do is push forward. The problem with me is I still have much to lose and will most likely will lose before achieving my dreams. I wish I was a stronger person or at least made the right decisions before becoming as broken as I am now.

Though to not be completely depressing I do know one thing I can truly accomplish this year. Losing more weight. I really wish that losing the weight would instantly aid me in my other dreams but all it will do is make sure I have more time to attain it. Thats if I don't finally bash open my head against a wall in frustration.

Lets say In a perfect world I knew what I needed to do with out little loss. What would those wishes be for the year. Well the weight thing would still be there. Becoming a published writter, and pushing forward with my transition. Both seem easy to do but their not. My novel could be complete crap not worty to be published. I might not turn out looking decent in my transition and I could lose all my family in the process. I could also be killed by some asshole. But that could happen no matter what path a person takes in life. Just some paths have a less likely chance that it's out of hate and rather out of the cash in your wallet.

Well I'm going to stop for now. What I will try to do this year is use this blog more. Though nobody checks this crap it's good to get my emotions out through writing. To bad I can't make money doing this.

Blue

"Never back down from a challenge."

Blue Oni Creations- www.blueonicreations.com